When it comes to getting cozy, a little liquid courage or some recreational substances can be like your wing person. But let’s be real – for many of us, getting down and dirty without those trusty sidekicks feels like uncharted territory. It’s just like riding a bike (and I totally mean’t that analogy) in the more you do it, the better you become at it.



When we step into the world of lovemaking (and I totally get that this phrase isn’t everyone’s cup of tea), there’s a treasure trove of perks awaiting those of us who choose the sober route. It’s more than just saying no to substances; it’s like opening a door to a fresh realm of deeper connections, better well-being, and making savvy decisions.

Picture this – without relying on a cocktail of chemicals to bond, we’re free to form profound emotional and physical connections with our partners. Engaging in sober lovemaking (again, apologies for using this phrasing) enhances communication, making it easier to express our desires and limits in the bedroom. This heightened awareness of ourselves and our partners adds an extra layer of intimacy to the experience.

While a few sips or lines might ignite a temporary spark, the flame often fizzles out too soon. Choosing sober sex gives our bodies a breather from the constant refuelling required by substances. Without the haze of drugs, our physical sensations take centre stage, igniting a fiery passion that some describe as an electrifying rediscovery of pleasure – like having sex for the first time, again – you get what I mean.

Now, let’s talk about sober wisdom. We’ve all been there – late-night escapades with individuals who might not have made the cut in daylight. By ditching the mind-altering aids, we’re better equipped to judge our choices. Sober thinking means we’re less likely to wake up with a “How did I get here?” moment or star in our own real-life crime drama. Maybe we don’t head to a random stranger’s house or catch up with ‘anonymous’ in the local car park. I want to be famous, but I’ll be damned if it’s by being the star of Jenny’s lousy true crime podcast!

Remember the golden rule – make informed decisions. When our faculties are unclouded, we’re more aware and able to prioritise protection. Sober choices translate to heightened awareness about the importance of safe sex practices. No more getting caught up in the heat of the moment and forgetting about safeguarding our bits, oh, and I guess our well-being too.

Let’s talk sensation. Booze and drugs might dim our sensitivity, making us oblivious to potential pain during some of our more intimate moments. But being sober means we’re in tune with our bodies, able to sense discomfort and stop the action before any harm is done. Although, fair warning, sober sex can’t rescue us from post-marathon session chafing – that’s here to stay!


These down-to-earth tips will help you navigate the frontier of sober sext with confidence and a sprinkle of wisdom

Before diving into the deep end with others, it’s cool to paddle around on your own. Spend some quality time getting in sync with your body’s desires. Whether it’s watching, listening, reading, or even experimenting with various pleasure-inducing gadgets, this solo exploration can boost your confidence when you decide to sync up with a partner. Your preferences might even take a detour from the ones you had while in “wired” mode. Keep tinkering and finding those sweet spots.

We all know it’s easier to chat about our favourite TV show while sipping on a cocktail, but can we do it without the booze? Engaging in those steamy conversations about our cravings and fantasies might feel like a challenge. Even though they’re difficult conversations to have sober, it’s important to let our partners know what we’re up for and to know what they want too, but hey, communication is key to unlocking an awesome intimate experience. It’s a bit like a tricky level in a video game – conquer it, and you’ll level up in connection.

Just like a sneeze in a library, certain situations can set off your desire for substances during sexy times (or is it just me that gets horny for a PnP session when I’m in a library??). Pinpoint those triggers – whether it’s a favourite club, using a particular app to get sex, or with a specific partner – and navigate around them if and where possible. Our triggers are like road signs on our journey to sober sex land – so look out for them to help make the ride smoother.

Sober sex might feel like a new sport you’re trying to get into. Be ready for a twist in the game. Your libido might go into overtime, or it could literally want to sit this round out. Certain moves may feel more exhilarating or surprisingly less enjoyable when you’re sober. Give yourself props for being on this exploration, even if you trip up a few times. Remember, practice makes progress, and there’s no need to rush onto the field. Take your time and pat yourself on the back for the effort.



For some of us, the link between alcohol, drugs, and our intimate moments is so intertwined that untangling them seems like a challenge. How do we remain a part of our sexual scenes and communities if we’re not using? Will this change how our fuckbuddies engage with us?

It’s an uncharted path, but fret not – here are some pointers to help guide the way:

  • Let people know that this decision isn’t a commentary on them; it’s simply our personal journey. Communicate that our choice to go sober during sex is about our own growth and exploration.
  • We’re not here to pass judgment on others’ choices regarding drugs and alcohol. Make it clear that we respect their decisions and are focusing solely on our own path.
  • Seek out new, triggering-free places to connect with the same partners. Exploring different environments can help create a fresh, substance-free dynamic.
  • Before entering spaces where substances and intimacy often intertwine, set a game plan for staying sober. Having strategies in place can empower us to stay true to our choices and enjoy our experiences



It’s a common scenario – the people we engage with during wired sessions often belong to our social circle. Untangling ourselves from those intimate encounters while preserving our friendships might seem like a puzzle. Can we stay friends? Are we connected by more than drug-fuelled nights?

While answers aren’t crystal clear, if you’re keen on maintaining your social bonds, here are some practical pointers:

  • Opt for meet-ups in settings where neither of you will be under the influence or engaging in intimate activities. This allows you to catch up without the added dynamic of substances, fostering a different type of connection.
  • Shake things up by embarking on new activities together. Exploring uncharted territory can reshape the foundation of your friendship beyond the confines of wired experiences.
  • Steer clear of places and events where you know your friends might be indulging in intimate moments with others. This step helps create a clear distinction between your social interactions and their private sessions.
  • Have an open and candid discussion about your hopes and expectations for the friendship. Talking through your desires can lead to a deeper understanding and fortify your connection.

While uncertainties linger, incorporating these practical strategies into your approach can help you strike a balance between social bonds and the world of wired sessions.

The information given on this page is not medical advice and should not be relied upon in that way.